Helping children with homework

During pre-school, kids start getting homework for the first time to reinforce and extend classroom learning and help them practice important study skills.

By doing homework, kids learn how to:

• read and follow directions independently
• manage and budget time (for long-term assignments like book reports)
• complete work neatly and to the best of their ability

It also helps them develop a sense of responsibility, pride in a job well done, and a work ethic that will benefit them well beyond the classroom.

Parents can give kids lots of homework help, primarily by making homework a priority and helping them develop good study habits.

Setting Up Shop

The kitchen or dining room table is a popular workspace for younger children; they may feel more comfortable being near you, and you can provide encouragement and assistance. Older kids might prefer to retreat to their rooms, but check in periodically and review the homework when it's completed.

Wherever kids do homework, it's important to make sure their workspace is:

• well-lit
• comfortable
• stocked with school supplies (pens, pencils, paper, stapler, calculator, ruler, etc.) and references (dictionary, thesaurus)
• quiet and free from distractions — TV, video games, phone calls, or other family members

If kids need a computer for schoolwork, try to set it up in a common space, not in a bedroom, so you can discourage playing video games, chatting with or emailing friends, or surfing the Internet for fun during study time. Also consider parental controls, available through your Internet service provider (ISP), and software that blocks and filters any inappropriate material. Find out which sites your kids' teachers recommend and bookmark them for easy access.

A Parent's Supporting Role 

When it comes to homework, be there to offer support and guidance, answer questions, help interpret assignment instructions, and review the completed work. But resist the urge to provide the right answers or complete assignments.

Focus on helping kids develop the problem-solving skills they'll need to get through this assignment and any others, and offer your encouragement as they do. They'll develop confidence and a love of learning from doing it themselves.

Here are more tips to help make homework easier for kids:

• Establish a routine. Send the message that schoolwork is a top priority with ground rules like setting a regular time and place each day for homework to be done. And make it clear that there's no TV, phone calls, video game-playing, etc., until homework is done and checked.
• Strategize for homework sessions. Teach kids to take stock of how much homework there is and what it involves so they can create a strategy that fits their workloads and temperaments. Some kids might want to tackle the harder assignments first — when mental energy levels are highest — while others prefer to get the easier tasks over with. By helping them approach homework with a strategy when they're young, you'll teach your kids to do that independently later. Allow them to take a break if needed, then guide them back to the homework with fresh focus and energy.
• Instill organization skills. No one is born with great organisational skills — they're learned and practiced over time. Most kids first encounter multiple teachers and classrooms in middle school, when organization becomes a key to succeeding. Teach your child how to use a calendar or personal planner to help get organized.
• Apply school to the "real world." Talk about how what they're learning now applies outside the classroom, such as the importance of meeting deadlines — just like adults in the work world — or how the topics in history class relate to what's happening in today's news.

Homework Problems

Especially as kids get older, homework can really start to add up and become harder to manage. These strategies can help:

• Be there. You don't have to hover at homework time, but be around in case you're needed. If your son is frazzled by math problems he's been trying to solve for hours, for instance, suggest he take a break, maybe by shooting some hoops with you. A fresh mind may be all he needed, but when it's time to return to homework, ask how you can help.
• Be in touch with teachers. Keep in good contact with the teachers throughout the school year to stay aware of your child's progress, especially if your child is struggling. Don't miss parent-teacher conferences and maintain an ongoing dialogue. Teachers can tell you what happens in the classroom and how to help your child succeed. You also can ask to be kept in the loop about quizzes, tests, and projects.
• Don't forget the study skills. Study skills often aren't stressed in schools. When you're helping your child study for a test, suggest some effective study strategies, such as using flashcards, or taking notes and underlining while reading.
• Encourage kids to reach out. Most teachers are available for extra help before or after school, and also might be able to recommend other resources. So encourage kids to ask for help, if needed, but remember that in school kids are rewarded for knowing the right answers, and no one likes to stand out by saying that they don't have them. Praise your kids for their hard work and effort.

Don't wait for report cards to find out that there are problems at school. The sooner you intervene, the sooner you can help your child get back on track.

When Kids Struggle With Homework

Consistent complaints about homework or ongoing struggles with assignments could indicate a problem.

In some cases, kids simply need to learn and practice better study habits. Be sure your kids are writing down assignments correctly and encourage them to keep a daily homework notebook, which can help both kids and parents know exactly what assignments are due and when. If a particular assignment is giving your child more trouble than others, send a note to the teacher pointing out the difficulties.

But when a kid consistently has a hard time understanding or completing homework, broader issues (such as learning disabilities, ADHD, or vision or hearing difficulties) might be interfering with academic progress.

By reviewing homework with your child and talking to your child's teacher, you can identify any learning problems and tackle them early on.

Laying the Foundation

The key to truly helping kids with homework is to know when to step in. Make sure your kids know that you're available if there's a snag, but that it's important to work independently. Encourage effort and determination — not just the grades they get.

Be a good example by showing your own love of learning. While your child does homework, do your own — read books, magazines, and newspapers; write letters, lists, and emails; use math skills to calculate expenses or balance the checkbook. By showing that learning remains important — even fun — once school's over, you'll help your kids understand that building knowledge is something to enjoy throughout life.

10 Things That Are More Important Than Discipline.

Parenting is a very complex task. If we're not careful, we will become too focused on one aspect and let the others fall by the wayside. Many times, I see parents who are intently focused on discipline, and I'm talking about the traditional use of the word here with regard to modifying behavior. Sometimes we get very caught up in "What do I do when..." or "How do I get my kid to..." and we lose sight of the bigger picture.

The truth is that there are many things that are more important in shaping our children than the methods and techniques we use to modify their behavior.

Here are 10 things that are more important than any method you choose, in no particular order.

1. Relationship. The relationship that we have with our children is the single biggest influence on them. Our relationship sets an example for how relationships should be throughout the rest of their lives. If we have a healthy relationship based on respect, empathy, and compassion, we have set a standard. They will grow to expect that this is what a relationship looks like and will likely not settle for less. If, however, our relationship is based on control, coercion, and manipulation, well you see where I'm going with this.

In addition to that, our influence comes from a good relationship. Children are more likely to listen to and cooperate with an adult who they are connected to. In other words, if we build trust and open communication when they are small, they will come to us when they are not so small. Our attachment helps wire healthy brains, and our responses set the tone for how they respond to us (they're little mirrors).

2. Your lens. When you look at your child, who do you see? Do you see the positives or the negatives? The way you think about them influences the way you treat them. Your thoughts also influence the way you feel emotionally and physically throughout the day. "He is in the terrible twos" will cause you to look for terrible things, to focus on them, and therefore try to correct them...constantly. Try to turn negative thoughts like this into positive thoughts, like, "He is inquisitive and fun!" Try to start seeing misbehavior as a clue that calls for help rather than something that needs squashed immediately. Correction is not needed nearly as often as you might think.

Also watch your tone and language. "Be mindful of the language you use to describe your children. They will come to see themselves through that filter you design." -Lori Petro, TEACH Through Love. Be careful not to place labels such as "naughty" or "clumsy" on your child. They will come to see themselves the way you see them.

3. Your relationship with your significant other. Your kids are watching and learning. The way you and your partner treat each other again sets a standard. Happy parents make happy kids. Read How Your Marriage Affects Your Kids.

The foundation of a happy family is a strong, loving relationship between the two of you. The single, most important thing that you can do for your children is to do everything in your power to have the best possible relationship with your spouse. If they see the two of you getting along and supporting each other, they will mirror you and will likely get along with each other and their friends. Every single ounce of energy that you put into your relationship will come back to you tenfold through your children.

4. The atmosphere of your home. All of the things mentioned above come together to create the atmosphere in your home. If you have loving and connected relationships, you likely have a warm atmosphere in your home. If there is discord between you and your spouse, or you and your child, or your child and your other child, then the overall atmosphere will suffer. Have you ever gone to someone's home and could just feel a negative atmosphere? You want your home to be a haven, a safe, warm, inviting, and loving place for all family members. Dorothy Parker said, "The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires." You don't have to let the air out until they're 16 though. ;-)

5. How you relate to others. How do you treat the bank teller, the store clerk, the telemarketer? What about your parents and your in-laws? They are watching your example. “Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.” -Albert Einstein

6. Community. Are you involved in your community. Aside from setting an example, there are valuable lessons to be learned from volunteering, supporting a local cause, attending church, or donating items. Seeing a bigger picture, how their acts can influence many lives, will give them a sense of responsibility and reinforce good values.

7. School. Whether you choose private school, public school, homeschooling, or unschooling, your choice will have an impact on your child. Choose with care. Peers have a big influence on children, but if our relationship is where it should be, our influence will still be stronger.

8. Your cup. How full is it? You have to take care of you so you can take care of them. If your cup is full, you are more patient, more empathetic, and have more energy. Not only that, but a child who sees his parents respect themselves learns to have self-respect. Put yourself back on your list.

9. Media. Television. Video games. Social media. They are always sending messages to your kids. Now, I let my kids watch TV and play computer games, so I'm not taking a big anti-media stance here, but just be aware of what your kids are getting from what they're watching. My son said something out of character for him a while back that came directly from a cartoon character. I knew where he'd gotten it and we had a talk about the differences between cartoon land and the real world. I'm just glad they don't have a Facebook account yet!

10. Basic needs. Adequate nutrition, sleep, and exercise are not only essential for the well-being of your child but also influence behavior. Dr. Sears addresses nutrition here. Also read this article, Sleep Better for Better Behavior. Finally, Exercise helps children learn to focus their attention, limit anger outburst and improve motor skills. Read more about that here.

“If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging.“ - Diane Loomans

Restoring your confidence in school morning routine

Getting back into a regular routine can prove to be quite difficult particularly, those early hours before school.  Lost keys, missing shoes, or misplaced homework can wreck havoc on the morning routine and cause students to be late.

Here are some tips on an effective morning routine that is short and simple.

1. Prepare for the week on Sunday- Wash, fold, iron, and sort all clothing for the week.  I like to hang my clothes in a hanging folder that is labeled with the days of the week.  Every item down to accessories, shoes, and socks are placed in the appropriate space for the day of the week.  I also include things like clothing for soccer practice or other evening activities.  Best part about this is, it forces children to be responsible for dressing themselves.

2. Make lunches the night before – This is key to the morning routine.  Now, I know no one wants a turkey sandwhich that has been in the fridge all night so save your items like these to be made fresh in the morning.  However, prepackaged, canned, or wrapped foods can be placed in the bag the night before.  Also always keep two dollars inside, in case you forget to make that sandwhich.

3. Place keys in the same place all the time- This is not just applicable to the school morning routine.  I can’t tell you all the times I have spent 30 to 40 mins looking for my car keys moments before I am due to walk out the door.  It can prove to be a very  frustrating experience.  A great tool is to keep keys hung by a door at all times. This way when you come in our go out you can easily pick up or replace your keys without even thinking about it.

4. Keep a packed bag in the car - This one is more so for a mom like myself who has younger siblings that are apart of the drop off routine.  If you have infants or toddlers keep a small packed bag with snacks, toys, diapers, wipes, and infant formula inside.  This way you never walk out the house without the things you need.

5. Plan for the week ahead – If you know that the night Wednesday nights are soccer practice be sure to prep on Tuesday for Thursday morning.  This means check calendars, webpages, and teacher notes for important events.  There nothing worse than waking up and realizing this is picture day or the last day to pay for the class field trip.  At the top of the week check all of your sources and plan your week accordingly. This way you are not running to the ATM on the way to school or trying to find that special bow that goes with the picture taking dress.

6. Get to bed on time- This one goes without saying, but many times 30 mins to an hour for a child can seem like a lifetime.  If children don’t receive enough sleep at night they will be tired and cranky in the morning which will place undue burden on your routine.  This first week will be the most difficult but after a couple of full days at school most kids will willingly go to sleep at night.

Preparing Your Child for the New School Year

Whether you can’t wait till your kids are back in school or dread the more regimented days ahead, there’s one thing you can count on:  Back to School is always a big transition. 

Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means coping with a new teacher, more academic demands and a changing social circle.   Start preparing now to make those first weeks easier for your kids – and yourself!  Here’s how:

1. Make sure your child is familiar with the school.  If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year.(“Now that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground, and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.” “Now that you’ll be in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.” “Now that you’ll be in middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself.  We’ll need to practice crossing Main Street.” ) 

But if this is her first year at this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there.  Even if there is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by taking a trip to the school.  If you can get access to the playground, that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school.  If not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the slide or climbing structure.

If the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out.  If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot.  You may not get much further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like, and introduce her to the front office staff.  Either way, the more your child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.

2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities.  Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come to school for an orientation session before school begins.  If the school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school starts.  Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that helps her students settle into the school year.

3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher.  All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in the classroom.   Until they do, they are not ready to learn.  Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students emotionally at the start of the school year.  Obviously, if you can arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do so.  But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows even a teacher he’s never met.

Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms. (“When you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads stories to the kids, she might read your favorite book if we bring it to school.”)  If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly (“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”)  If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her. 

Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day, and to pick out a shiny red apple for her.  Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is.  Your child will feel a fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably.  Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with her.

If you notice in the first week of school that your child doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to immediately contact her.  Just explain that your child was excited before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet.  You’re hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him so he connects with her and feels at home.  Virtually all teachers understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during that first week if you make a nice request.   My own daughter cried every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to school in the morning.

4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the other kids, they’ll feel more at ease.   If you’re new in town, make a special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood.  Often schools are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts.  Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease last minute jitters.

5. Practice saying goodbye. If your child is beginning school for the first time and has not had previous daycare or preschool experience, his or her biggest challenge will be saying goodbye to you.  Explain that all children go to school to learn, which is a child’s job just like parents work at jobs.  Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”

You might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you, such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while you’re apart and give back upon your return.  Most kids like to have a picture of the family in their backpacks.  Be sure to use the suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to successfully let you go.

6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher.  Find out how long you will be able to stay.  If you suspect that your child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day.  Maybe every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and distract her.

Once you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at school.  But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how fun the day will be: “Every morning you will pick a book for me to read to you.  When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams together.  We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special goodbye.  Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to work.  You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and have lunch.  Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear what you built in the block corner that day.”

7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school.  One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade.  Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan & Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.

Get your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art.  If you know other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to mention that he will see or play with them.  Share your own stories about things you loved about school.

Encourage her questions by asking what she thinks school will be like.  Emphasize the things you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every conversation with“and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.

8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you, be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like a big kid.  Explain that every day after school you will have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack together.

9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts.  Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months.  But kids need 9 1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age.  (Teens need a minimum of 9.5; toddlers usually do best with 11). Getting them back on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm to be up at 7am for school takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.

Imposing an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in that morning and with the night-before-school jitters.  In that situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate.  So keep an eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also good for their reading skills.

10. Wake up your child’s brain.  You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math problems.  On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot during the summer.  If your child has been reading through the summer months, congratulations!  If not, this is the time to start.  Visit the library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy.  Introduce the idea that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour every day. 

And if your child has assignments to complete, don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was supposed to write a book report.  Get summer work out of the way at least a week before school starts so he can relax for the rest of vacation!

11. Let your child choose his own school supplies, whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.

12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day to give your child a comfortable mental movie:

“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class.  We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her.  She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye.  Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower.  Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go.  There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class.  You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids.  And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”

Be alert for signs that your child is worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new classroom soon.

13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school so you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute crises.  Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and a healthy breakfast.  Plan to arrive at school early so you have time for meaningful goodbyes.  And don’t forget that “first day of school” photo before you leave home!

14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her at the end of the day.  Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and then hand her off to her teacher.  Don’t leave her adrift without a new attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry.  Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long.  If your child continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the teacher.  Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.

15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school.  Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may panic him altogether.  If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t worry.  You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all day and be a big boy.  Your return signals that it’s safe to be his babyself again, take it as a compliment. 

This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts.  Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums.  Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.